Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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