I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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