Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
