K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
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Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Drunk is not a location!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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