eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize