I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
