Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Someone shattered a urinal.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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