maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
