Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
