I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
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Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
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Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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