Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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