Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
