the condom got lost in my hair
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
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Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
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But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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