so that wasnt chicken after all
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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