this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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