my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
