Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
