No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
