there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
