dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
