the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
