If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Send help, water and tortillas.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
