At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
