ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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