Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
