loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
