i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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