So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
