i just had sex bonerless
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
