I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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