i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
