Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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