Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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