sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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