let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
