i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
