oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
