Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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