and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
