She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
