Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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