Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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