I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
