Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
