okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
