i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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