Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize