so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
