well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
