i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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