Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
