I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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