the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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