i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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