i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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