i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
