haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
