i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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