So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
