Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
