Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
