They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
