From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
COCAINE IS GR8
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