its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I want a musical about memes.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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