i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
