Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
nutella sex= disaster
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
