you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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