Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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