I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were trust falling into bushes
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize