Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We're too hungover to prance.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
