I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
