she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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