he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
