I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
