id be glad to
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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