Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
