I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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