my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
