I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
