I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Ladies don't puke and tell
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
