Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm just crazy horny about you
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
